The Tao of Suck

It was naive, I know, but I thought only Red Sox people produced, bought or wore "Yankees suck" T-shirts. I think Patrick O'Patrick of Revere actually copyrighted the "Yankees suck" chant.

While I've always been impressed by how witty, how poignant that phrase was, I never found it offensive. What's offensive is someone wearing the shirt, and being told they couldn't. Apparently this happened to a woman attending a Rangers/Yankees game this week in Arlington.

Texas is part of America, right? Still? I know, you don't mess with Texas, or at least Texas security guards. The Rangers said it was a policy created by their fans. Which ones? Do they wear jackboots and gray stormcoats?

I remember having, and wearing, a handful of those Big Johnson T-shirts during my high school years. They were just as stupid. But according to at least one guy in a pizzeria, "they were the reason it was so hard to raise daughters." You see the connection. Incidentally, my mom shredded his face.

Look people, it's just a shirt. Your right to dictate what I, or anyone else wants to wear, ends at the edge of you skull. Or at least it should. So, shut up, calm down, and remove the self-righteous stick from thine rear.

There's even YankeesSuck.com . Go figure. Or was. It hasb't been updated in two years.


It's tough to combat such airtight logic. And stunning presentation.

Dead man swinging

Hideki Matsui looks old and tired.

And he hit two home runs last night. How does this stuff happen? And more importantly, does Nolan Ryan have Robin Ventura flashbacks with his pitchers?

Watching the Yankees win, or even reading about it the next day is so much better for my health.

Joba the Juggs gun

“Plain and simple, I was terrible. I’ve got to do a better job of keeping the team in the game.” (AP)

Thanks for the update Joba. After sitting for two and half hours, there was baseball of a sort yesterday.

The Yanks are creeping closer to the Sox, who look as vulnerable and flawed as any team in baseball ... which may mean the AL East is weak, or parity has finally sunk its ugly, wretched claws into my favorite sport.

Two days later, the Mrs. reminded me why I hate Joe Girardi.

"You're going to have plenty of time to get complete games in your career."

Girardi said this to Phil Hughes, who was pulled after eight gorgeous innings in the Yanks' series opening drubbing of the Rangers.

Hey Joe, it starts with the first one, idiot.

Hughes was poised to earn his first career shutout and complete game (duh), until Unkie Joe pissed on his parade and showed why he's a complete toolbag when it comes to handling a pitching staff.

On the other side of the diamond, Nolan Ryan is fighting a near uphill battle to get his pitchers to accept responsibility for their outtings, to finish what they start, that 5 innings and a cold shower isn't good enough.

And here we have Unkie Joe ripping away that very mindset in a guy more than capable of finishing an outting, especially leading by 10 and barely scrapping a 100 pitches. Argh pitch counts.

I just wish that "forgotten handshake" was delivered in the form of a fist to Girardi's rat face. Imagine Girardi trying to take the ball from any of the other starters, veterans all, hardcases all ... it really would come to blows.

Respecting the manager is fine, but the manager must respect his players as well. The Yanks' bullpen has been exploited for most of this decade, and the team finally builds a staff to stop that from happening ... and the manager undermines that staff.

And we're back

What was meant to be a few days away from the blog, turned into a superstitious fear of breaking the Yankees' winning streak.

Turns out coming short one clutch-hit had the same effect.

Either way, the Yanks are playing out of their minds and look like a team confident it will win every night. It's a breath of fresh air after watching them slog their way through the first quarter of the season.

A-Rod finally stopped playing Wiffle ball, and Mark TeiexehaiytrehkyoiyLjra is having a Tino Martinez-like emergence at first.

Hideki Matsui is a gaping hole in the Yanks offense I think can be corrected by inserted Brett Gardner in center and sliding Melky to right and Nick Swicher to left with Johnny Damon as the DH. Swisher isn't much better right now, but I'd rather take my chances with him.

Matsui looks old and disinterested.

Still ... I'm loving baseball right now.

Clutch and the opposite

Mediocrity, here we come. Actually, here we are, again.

I'm happy CC's effort wasn't wasted. No. 1 can't give up 2 runs in 8 innings and lose, especially to a guy who looks like an escapee from a set of 1983 Tops baseball cards - looking at you Brian Tallet.

Also gratifying is the Red Sox losing in extras, even after putting themselves in position to win in the 11th.

Better still: David Ortiz goes 0-7.

How's life after the needles Pappi? You fraud.

Regrets ...

I have them.

Criticizing someone invariably gives him or her the validation he or she didn't deserve in the first place.

And so, mission accomplished for fake umpires 1 and 2.

The assbags were on Sportscenter this morning.

Puke.

Hitting, like idiocy, is contagious

The Yanks went happy with the extra bases yesterday, but outside the sustained rallies and quality outing by Andy Pettitte, were the following:

Ken Singleton and Al Leiter make a great team. They're knowledgeable and speak when necessary. They allow the game to happen and have relevant stories. Plus, Leiter advocates "gamesmanship," the one positive thing he shares with David Cone. For whatever reason, if Michael Kay isn't in the booth, Singleton refrains from his wretched puns.

And then, there's this:


Here we have Brett Gardner batting, Rod Barajas catching and Chuck Merriweather, the home plate umpire.

To Gardner's left are two douchebags. One guy more so than the other because (a) he's wearing a mask and (b) he thought this was a great way not only strike up conversation, through the whole game, with the lady next to him, but a great way to impress who I assume was the Lady's mom.
To make matters worse, you could hear them yelling "ball" or "strike" OVER the real umpire. And they'd punch anyone out, Yankees player of Blue Jays.


Although their seats made ignoring them impossible, YES thought it would be great to zoom in on these guys, whose stupidity infected at least two other guys in the section.

Guys, how much did you pay for those seats? And that's what you do? It's bad BAD form to bring a glove to a baseball game if (a) you aren't playing and (b) you are older than 12. It's beyond ridiculous to dress like an umpire.

Grow up you morons.

Game over

You could tell AJ Burnett knew giving up just one run meant game over for the Yanks last night.

He could have surrendered 100 runs in the eighth and it wouldn't have mattered.

Let it be said this Yankees team is much better for my sleep pattern.

No-roidin' Rocket

Hand it to Roger Clemens. He's got moxey.

Or no brains.

Or he's the sane one and everyone else aligning against him is crazy.

Certainly, the media has spun him as a user. He looks like a user, based on what we know now. But has anything been proven? At this point, I don't even remember.

Of course, his continued denial may be the equivalent of him unconsciously throwing the broken, pointy end of a bat at the establishment.

Maybe Clemens, Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Rafael Palmiero, Jose Canseco, Man-Ram, A-Rod et al should have a steel cage death match and the last man standing gets into the Hall.

An A-Bomb from A-Rod, then lots of strikeouts

A-Rod's bomb on the first pitch he saw was Hollywood-esque. Sadly, he didn't go Roy Hobbs and bleed out while running the bases, dying just as he touched home. He collected just one more hit in the three-game set - which is pretty much the same thing, I guess.

Overshadowed was CC Sabathia's pitching, and overlooked was the Yankees anemic offense.

They came away with two wins in the three games, but thanks only to a rookie catcher's hustle and Johnny Damon's continued clutch hitting. But Damon can't be expected to carry the team all season, not with A-Rod back and a taxpayer bailout paying for the services of Mark Teixiera, who's been brutal through so far.

The down side of Damon's offensive production is Joe Girardi seems insistent on forcing Hideki Matsui into the DH slot, so Damon must play defense, when it's pretty clear Damon should be DHing (he can't reach third base from shallow left), with Swisher in left, a maturing Melky Cabrera in right and Brett Gardner in center.

The answer is pretty clear: fire Girardi.

In any case, if the Yanks are going to straighten out, they have to do it starting tonight against the Blue Jays, who will come back to Earth eventually. May as well be tonight.

Also, the next time Joba pitches against the O's, expect Aubrey Huff to get plunked. I'm hoping for a throwback brawl. Where's Darryl Strawberry when you need him?

There are no words

Back to back? Really? REALLY?!

Base(ball) Oddity

Sorry Dave, you inspired me this morning:

Yankees ghosts to Captain Jete
Yankees ghosts to Captain Jete
Take your bat in hand
and put your helmet on

Yankees ghosts to Captain Jete
Commencing countdown,
reign is through
Check statistics
and may the voters’ love be with you

[spoken]
Bottom ... nine, two outs, man on third ... popped to right ... Yankees lose ... again

This is Yankees ghosts
to Captain Jete
You are a New York great
And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear
But it’s time to leave the spotlight
if you care

This is Captain Jete to Yankees ghosts
I’m hitting .350 with RISP
But I’ve watched
my teammates float way
And this team looks very different today

For here
Am I sitting in the cap’s chair
headed toward the Hall
Empty seats are blue
And there’s nothing I can do

Though I’m past
2,000 hits, got 4 rings
I’m feeling very ill
And I think my team has just one way to go
Tell A-Rod I hate him very much
he knows

Yankees ghosts to Captain Jete
Your legacy’s not dead,
but money can’t buy heart
Can you hear me, Captain Jete?
Can you hear me, Captain Jete?
We’re not coming ’cross the street
You know ....

Here am I sitting
in the cap’s chair
Far from Paul and Boom
Empty seats are blue
I just hope we’re not through

Manny being 'roided

So, if Manny Ramirez was using a banned substance, and David Ortiz hasn't hit one home run this season ... hmmmm. I wonder what that means? Let me get on my thinking cap.

Vomit induced

You may think, as the official Bulletin Yankees blogger, I went into hiding because of the Yankees god-awful play. But no, I've just been sick. Thanks for caring.

The Yankees are a mess. They get OK pitching and don't hit, or they get awful pitching ... and don't hit.

One game is more brutal than the next, and I think it's making the announcers that much worse. Michael Kay is intolerable most nights. John Flaherty and David Cone are atrocious. It's as if they bought the same announcer's book of cliches and studied it and studied it and studied it. A few nights last week, Paul O'Neill was in the booth, and he seems to bring a measure of sanity to the broadcast. There's less a need to talk every minute.

Last night, Cone talked for nearly two minutes straight about AJ Burnett's slurvey kinda slidery breaking ball that goes side to side but also has downwatd movement. The futility on the field is bad enough, but the soundtrack ... forget water-boarding. The CIA should make terror detainees watch one Yankees-Red Sox game.

Talk about cruel and unusual.

Coming together?

Burnett should have pitched the 8th, no question.

Weirdest moment of the night was Michael Kay calling Johnny Damon's solo home run, making the score 3-2 Angels. He made it sound as if the Angels had just taken the lead. What I wouldn't give sometimes for biased announcing, like every other team has.

Otherwise, I watched nearly an entire Yankees game (I tuned in in the 2nd - went to bed in the 9th) without yelling, sighing or freaking out in any way, even while they were losing. It was a nice change.

It was nice to see good pitching, big hits and timely hits.

What isn't nice are the rows and rows of empty seats at the Stadium. Mohegan Sun's bar was full though.

John Flaherty "grind it out" and "not do too much" counts are at 1 each.