Banned, suspended and chilled out

Yanks banned iPads from the Stadium.

I have two thoughts: (1) Suck it Mac. (2) Put down your gloves, your phones your foams fingers, you chicken fingers, and watch the game.

Is is just me or have the Yankees once again been bitten by junk weather?

Michael Kay won't shut up about October baseball in Minnesota. In case he didn't notice, October/November baseball in New York is no picnic.

So, the ball hit his finger. You learn in Little League, keep your hand behind the bat. It's a simple, simple technique.

How the hell do you hurt yourself bunting? Are pitchers made of porcelain? That is pathetic.

Bow down to them ...

Bow down the kings of garbage, the kings of filth, the kings of putrescence (Ha! spelled it right on the first try, although I spelled neither "right" nor "on" correctly on the first try.)


Three in a row. Suddenly they look like a team with a bunch of injuries and a shite bullpen.

Ugh.

Dear "SNL" peeps

Please stay away. Fred Armeson attended the 5-hour Yanks/Red Sox game Tuesday night.

Tracy Morgan (and Grizz and Dotcom from "30 Rock") were there last night. You show up and bad things happen.

I assume those four seat behind home plate are NBC's, but please, give them to the "Chuck" cast or something. You guys are killing me.

Yes, I gave up on them. Yes, I've learned my lesson.

Maybe Joe West is right.

If anything good can come of a damaging 3-run bomb, it's watching Kevin Youkilis hit the deck. Gutsy, if uneven work by P. Hughes.

Comfortable until it isn't

Dear Joe Girardi,

You are the putz. I realize you aren't dealing with Little Leaguers or high schoolers, you're dealing with a billion dollar franchise, the New York media, the Steinbrenners, those braces, but for cripes' sake man, you couldn't let Joba complete that meltdown? He got saddled with the loss, anyway, and Rivera looked awful, so why not?

Yes, statistically Rivera eats up left-handed hitters, but is 80-year-old Jim Thome getting around on Joba? Unlikely, at best.

Also, when will you stop pitching to Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau? Did you wrong them in some way and now you're trying to make amends. Superior pitching gets them out, maybe. Damaso Marte? He gets pelted. They aren't affected by you're lefty-lefty matchups. They're hitters, true hitters. They don't step in the bucket, they don't swing at junk.

It's been a while, so I just wanting to heave some more criticism at you.

Thanks,

John

All in all, though, the Yanks have weathered their injury storm to the point you forget they are missing their centerfielder, their (alleged) DH, and some key pitchers.

It's really a toss up as to which young Yankee is having the biggest affect on the team but it's probably Phil Hughes, who looks unhittable, then Francisco Cervelli, who's making Jorge obsolete behind the plate (Jorge, just DH!) and Brett Gardner, who is unlike anyone the Yankees have had in years, if not a decade or more.

Big series coming in the next few days. Beating the Sox is always nice, but beating the Rays is more important.

Rapper stars and awkward moments

Is it ever a good idea to have no-baseball guests in the booth for games?

No. Never.

Eminem and Jay-Z made a "big announcement" during yesterday's game in Detroit, which, sure, the two of them doing what Ken Singleton called "home-at-home" concerts (good call Ken) is kind of a big deal, but despite the two rappers presenting themselves well and Michael Kay embracing his whiteness and not trying to yo-yo them into oblivion, you still got the impression that:

Jay-Z and Eminem are shy, or at least uncomfortable doing interviews that don't require extreme behavior or bravado. They also seemed more interested in what was happening on the field.

Most people have nothing in common with those two guys. Maybe some people — friends or those who grew up in similar circumstances — did at one point, but starting in poverty and getting where they are puts them in no-man's land. The may have credibility because of their backgrounds, but they can't go back, and they don't actually fit in the circles of wealth.

Michael's Kay best question, "Would you trade what you have to play a sport?" wasn't answered properly, it was answered with deference to the players. Essentially: No, baseball is too hard. But that wasn't the question.

Also got the impression Eminem wasn't much of a baseball fan. The Lions talk got him excited, though.

Best moment was at the end when Kay and Singleton almost shook hands with each other. Each looked at the hand in front of him and, quickly identified it was the wrong color, looked at each other, and redirected.

Second best moment was Kay telling Eminem what a great song "Lose Yourself" was, and how it was responsible for his great shape. Is he joking? Is he serious. The guy's a cowboy hat shy of being Twinkie the Kid.

Oh, and Yankees handed out a beat down. Finally.

Say it with me: Phil HA-ughes - not Ughes - is a beast.

Joba, act like you've done it.

See previous post ...

.. about Jose Valverde related losses.

Last night, in lieu of Yankees baseball, I enjoyed "Straight Outta L.A.," Ice Cube's 30 for 30 documentary about the Raiders.

Great piece. But Al Davis should be the villain in some, any, super hero flick. He is horrifying.

Two in a row

Losses are fine.

Consecutive losses are fine.

Losses in which Jose Velverde, or whatever his name is, records a save, are unpalatable.

Who celebrates throwing a strike? That guy. Who looks like a he never quite learned how to throw a baseball? That guy.

On the other side, Joba threw something like 15 pitches in his eighth inning and what did he do after mowing down three Tigers batters? He walked off the mound looking slightly embarrassed. No fist pumps, no screaming. He acted like what he did was exactly what should have happened. Helpless batter after helpless doing nothing but flailing and missing.

If there was any debate remaining about what Joba is and what he should be doing, it's done. He's a reliever, and the heir to Mariano's throne.

And Ortho guy can do better than that picky wench. Weeds, not grass. Face punch.

There's nothing worse than bored, drunk Sox fans. I almost feel sorry for them. Then I remember Josh Beckett is a piece of crap.

Dear Red Sox fans

Your team got swept by the Orioles.

The Orioles.

Just swish that around in your mouths for a little while. How's it taste? Like a losing record and a disaster of a season in the making? Yeah, that's how it tastes.

Javier Vasquez is becoming a blackhole in this Yankees' rotation and they still look as if they could win 100 games (barring injury).

Hey honey, I'm in the mood ... To get in our individual claw-toe bathtubs and watch the sunset. Ugh.

Holy cow Joba just pounded that Red Bull. That stuff is putrid,

So, I was somewhat worried about the Orioles, but the Yanks have been hot and the Orioles have plummeted to Earth. A team is only as good as its starter.