A rating system is born

Hating Alex Rodriguez is a cliché I won't buy into. However, the disdain I have for him at the moment is shocking, even to me, in its intensity and the speed with which it overtook me.

I just can't figure out what the guy is thinking: at the plate, in the field, on the bases. Is he going Chuck Knoblauch? He's on the verge. You can see it, looming, creeping around the edges of his game, waiting, waiting, waiting to pounce.

You watch, the first grounder he fields tonight is headed for the second deck at the Rogers Centre (stupid Canadians, just spell it like the rest of us). He'll be in leftfield by early September, a DH by June of 2009 and on the California Penal League All-Star Team by August 2010. Maybe his cell mate can get him mentally focused and help with positive thinking.

Anyway, I've developed the following system to gauge my feelings about a given Yankees game. Let's call it Frustrato-tron 5000 (patent pending). Behold:
One A-Rod grimace: Probably a win, or a humorous loss. It's probably a game Mike Mussina pitched, which should default it to two grimaces, considering I buried him at the beginning of the season. Robbie Cano likely ran out every grounder he rolled over to second base.


Two A-Rod grimaces: Yanks lose, but the played tough. It's likely Derek Jeter grounded into two double play in this game and twisted his ankle trying to beat the second one because it kills a 1st and 3rd one out rally.


Three A-Rod grimaces: Same as above, but Jeter is lifted and sent for X-Rays. (Rating drops back to two if he's put on the DL with a Lisfranc injury. This is a positive outcome. Better that than Jeter's frustration boiling over and resulting in clubhouse attacks on A-Rod and Jason Giambi: "You ruined my team you a-holes!! There's no room here for the mentally deficient or the chemically dependent!!! AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHH!!!!" I bet Jeter pulls his hands in even during an assault and battery.

Four A-Rod grimaces: See Tuesday's game against the Blue Jays.

Five A-Rod grimaces: Special cases. Likely the last home game. The Yanks are 15 games out and A-Rod goes 4-5 with the three bombs, 11 RBIs, two stolen bases and performs the Heimlich maneuver on a child along the third base line while camping under a pop fly, which he basket-catches, signs and hands to the youngster. The fifth grimace is assigned right after the Stadium is bulldozed.